As a leader, do you wish that all your team members like you? I believe the answer to that is a resounding, albeit reluctant ‘Yes’. Unless of course you are a seasoned leader driven by Purpose, or have transcended to the self-actualization (Maslow’s Hierarchy) stage in your life. Most people don’t answer ‘No’ to being asked if they wish to be liked. It stems from our ego based need for validation and acceptance. Nothing wrong with it in principle. The question is how much of an impact this need has on your leadership actions and decisions?

Case in point being my own first stint as a manager, where my focus was mostly in coming across as a ‘nice’ boss, well-liked by my team. I had a team of predominantly good people who did their job with integrity. I however found myself on the back foot on one too many occasions because my reluctance for confrontation of any kind had already set in a team culture of complacence and mediocrity. While I luckily did not have any major misses, I did find myself stressed often trying to strike a balance between being the nice boss and meeting my team goals. I did leave that job soon after for other reasons.

So does this mean you don’t have to be liked to be effective as a leader? An interesting research published in 2018 in the Journal of Applied Psychology throws some light on likability and perceived effectiveness as a leader. The research team developed a scale (Leader Affect Questionnaire) to measure the likability of a leader, and correlated that with the team’s evaluation of various leadership attributes. They found that subordinate ratings of distinct leadership behaviors were largely positive if they scored high on the LAQ. Going by these studies, it would mean that being liked is essential to being an effective leader. That said, being a people pleaser is also unhelpful as such leaders are inevitably poor decision makers and avoid crucial conversations (I know, personal experience!). Nor are authoritarian leaders always effective as critical elements of empathy, trust, belonging, and influence are lost. Effective leadership is then indeed a balancing act powered by conscious actions wherein respect, influence and outcome orientation are the driving factors for team success. To permeate a culture of alignment in the team, leaders can

1. Walk the Talk: Actions being consistent with words, practicing what they espouse shows their team that their leader is someone with integrity. Effective leaders not just show the way; they walk it first. This builds respect and trust in the leader.
2. Keeping the spotlight on key objectives and outcomes: By consistently communicating the expected outcomes, leaders can instill a sense of purpose in their teams. Expected outcomes can also be used to drive course corrections, rather than responding to misses and failures by mere criticism of employee actions.
3. Show empathy: Human beings possess an intrinsic need to be understood and accepted. When leaders show active interest in their team members’ lives, hopes and dreams, and support and empower them to achieve not just organizational outcomes, but also individual outcomes, they are building a team of committed and accountable employees. Empathy also promotes psychological safety, giving people the impetus to create and innovate without fear of failure.
4. Conscious Communication: Communicate extensively, the good and the bad. Feedback need not be relegated to appraisal time discussions. Make real time feedback a norm. Be quick to appreciate and be ready to coach year around. This tells people that you are really invested in their growth.

When leaders genuinely care about their team’s well-being and growth, clearly articulate expected outcomes, equip and empower their people with the resources to meet those outcomes, and continuously coach them towards desired results, it builds respect for the leader. And at the base of likability is respect. Remember, as a leader, you can say ‘No’ and still be liked.